How to Tell Children about a Divorce

Divorce can be a truly traumatic experience for children. The reality is that divorcing parents can set the tone for the end of a marriage by the way they first reach out to their children. There are certain strategies that can and should be employed when it comes to telling children about a pending divorce.

Speak to Children Together

A divorcing couple may not relish the idea of being in proximity to each other. However, when it comes to discussing the decision to divorce with children, both parents should speak to them together. If that absolutely is impossible, each parent can speak to the children on separate, consecutive occasions.

Keep a United Front

Oftentimes far easier said than done, it is important for a divorcing couple to maintain a united front when discussing divorce with children. The parents must be on the proverbial same page in their presentation to their children, and there must be absolutely no acrimony between them.

Never Disparage the Other Parent

Related to keeping a united front is the need for the divorcing couple to avoid making disparaging remarks about each other. This includes while speaking to children about the decision to divorce, throughout the course of the divorce proceedings, and into the future as well.

Emphasize Children are Not at Fault

Parents must always emphasize that the decision to end a marriage is not the fault of the children. On some level, this concept is a cliché, but it is a mantra that warrants repeating. Even in the best of circumstances — which rarely exist when a divorce is pending — children are apt to blame themselves for the disintegration of their parents’ marriage.

The initial conversation between children and parents intending to divorce is crucial. In addition to following the outlined tactics, parents may even want to consider a dry run or practicing what will be said during the session with the children. By taking these steps, the initial discussion with children about divorce will set a more positive and hopeful tone for the overall process that is about to unfold in the lives of all family members.